trahn

PDOL is over. So that was it, this years festival is over almost before it started. I’ve had a good time and met some very interesting people. Music wise the festival wasn’t as good as other years. Highlight for me was Looptroop even thou I missed most of it.  Met the most gorgeous girl I’ve met in a long time, intelligent funny and really cute. What else can you say? Maybe I could’ve made a move on her but since I’m shy things like that don’t come easy to me. The problem with me in situations like that is that I think too much, I’m always worrying what the girl in question might think. It’s odd since I’m not like that in any other situations, just around girls, and they aren’t really something that I should be scared of now is it?
Some of my friends are really smooth with the ladies, getting numbers, a bit of snogging and more. Some of them seem more confident around girls they are interested in than around other people. I’m not sure how they do it and when we talk about it it seems all so easy. So what am I doing wrong here? Here are some of the things that could be and are reasons to my poor skills of picking up girls. (Most of these things are in clubs unless something else is mentioned) 

 

1. First of all I do believe you need quite a lot of confidence, which I don’t have too much of in these kind of situations. I’m also terribly shy and can’t approach girls I don’t know at least a little. I can’t make a move on someone I actually like since I’m too worried about what they will think and that they might not want it. People are telling me just to kiss a girl with the argument that “You wouldn’t mind if a girl did that to you?” For me it’s just not that simple and it’s for some reason different if a girl were to do that. The worst thing that could possibly happen is her saying no or giving me a knee in the crotch and then I would know. I, however, can’t do it.
   All the relationships I’ve ended up in I believe the girl has made the first move or it’s been a mutual thing, a moment without words so to say. Some people tend to drink alcohol to loosen up and it seems to help but I don’t intend to start drinking just to get lucky. The whole confidence bit is something I can work on and I’ve become a lot better than I was before. In some situations I’m more confident and around certain girls I’m more confident. Unfortunately it’s just random and not something I can learn from.
2.  Alcohol is a turn off. Drunk girls are not brilliant, they could be the girl of your life if they were sober but with a bit of alcohol it all changes. I’ve seen it happen. I don’t mind people drinking but something in me puts up a mental block when it comes to a certain level of drunkenness for me to do anything with these girls.
   
3. Music! I love music but at times it can be the most annoying thing ever. I’m a pre-party guy and I like to talk and discuss things to get to know people. When you’re at a club you can’t really do that since it’s so loud and you’re limited to:
   ”Hello! What’s your name?”
   “Henrik”
   “What?”
   “HENRIK!”
   “Henry?”     
   And so on…. Usually you tend to ask about each others names, where they are from, what they are doing (studying or working). Followed by a short discussion about the just mentioned job or whatever else it could’ve been. Hardly the deepest conversation and it’s not really time or the place to talk about the meaning of life either. I’ve thought about shocking people with something completely different but nothing good has come to me so far. Some attempts have been made with the result being strange looks or them just changing the subject. Haha, happy days.
   I know that’s not really what you’re there for but still. I’m not looking for a girlfriend or the love of my life when I’m at a club but I just like to make up my mind about people before I do anything.
   
4. The fourth reason is combined with music and the culprit of this drama is dancing. All the action seems to take place on the dance floor. I don’t mind dancing, I’m not brilliant but I get by or at least I hope so…
   My problem with dancing is, a least when I’m in Sweden since the clubs I go to in London actually play good music, I can’t dance to music I don’t like. Once again we’re talking about a mental block that can be erased in the right company or by me just forcing myself to do something that goes against some of my principles. Maybe I’m being silly bit that’s me.
   
   
5. The next point is signs. When you’re around girls there are some signs that you can look for to see if they’re interested in you. I can’t see these signs. In any other situation I can almost reads girls like an open book and understand why they do certain things (I will write a separate blog entry for that). This is partially connected to the confidence bit but it could also be the fact that I’ve been out of the game for the last four years and missed out on the whole dating and picking up scene. I’ll catch up in a couple of years. Haha. To show an example of my poor skills the following took place last Wednesday at a local club back in Sweden. Not to crowded since it was quite late and a lot of people had gone home already. This is the time to pick someone up if any. I was dancing and a girl is dancing close to me and moves in closer, body contact. I do nothing. My first thought is…”ohhh….it’s crowded in here…” but when I think back it wasn’t really that crowded. I’ve been told that this was a golden opportunity and that I should’ve done this and that. It was obvious that she was interested. Not to me however, I just can’t see it. Another aspect of this matter is how I put out signs for people to notice. All I can do is usually smile and look at them. I might talk to them but from there on I’m lost. Had a discussion with a friend of mine the other day that I emit a different feel than other guys and that could be true. Need to ask some girl about that thou since it’s just a theory.
   
6. They way I look and am. From what I’ve been told I’m a nice and really friendly guy. I’m average on the scale of good looks. 6 or 7 out of 10 and more cute than handsome. Unless they are lying just to be nice to me… Like I’ve mentioned before I’m not too fussed about things like that but I’m more than happy that I’m being perceived that way. But herein lays the problem. Girls usually don’t like cute and friendly guys. Of course there are exceptions but from what I’ve seen it really is like that. I’ve been told by a girl that she doesn’t really think of anything sexual when she sees me. Am I asexual in my nature or just to plain? I’m the kind of guy that gets female friends more than actual girlfriends. I don’t mind but it’s odd when you here them saying they would want a nice guy and then go for the complete opposite. Maybe it’s all about the “opposites attract” and that they are all nice girls. Would this mean that I have to find the opposite to what I’m like?  
   
7. The whole deal with one night stands is a mystery to me. I know I’ve mentioned that I’m not looking for a girlfriend when I’m out and about but the thing with just hooking up with someone for one night feels odd as well as snogging someone you hardly know. I wouldn’t mind and I probably would do it if the opportunity arose. Just being close to anyone is nice, be it in a relationship or only for a night is not to important. The last year has been quite slow and always being around couples is the best to boost your morale. Haha.

All these things and probably more that I’ve forgotten to mention adds up to my misfortune. Luckily I’m not one of those people that get all depressed because I can’t find someone. I’m happy as it is right now and the only thing that I could honestly say that I miss right now is just having someone in your arms when you sleep or when watching a movie. Small things that you don’t appreciate as much when you’re in a relationship but you do now when you don’t have it anymore.
My conclusion on how to improve my success rate from 0% is to be braver and have a lot more confidence in myself and from thereon things will happen. I know what to do; it’s just a matter of doing it.   

Ever since the beginning of mankind people have had a need to control things. Be it people things or situations. Everything had to be controlled and never left to chance.
I’m simple. I have no need to control people physically or mentally. I don’t care if a person doesn’t like me or I don’t like them. It’s just the force of nature not to like people. I really hate injustice whether it’s against people or animals doesn’t matter, it’s just wrong in my eyes.
For some reason however there are a lot of people not like me out there.  I see and hear about a lot of people being in situations where they are being controlled by other people. It might be in social situations, workplaces or relationships but it can be found everywhere. It still upsets me how people tolerate or ignore the situation they’re in for the sake of other people before themselves. How they diminish their rights and live their life scared, oppressed or just in silence.

When you are outside the situation everything looks so easy but for the people caught up in the middle of it, it can be a nightmare. It’s so easy for me to tell people what to do and to come up with good reasons to do certain things. Changes seldom happen this way. The person in question must realize their situation and act from there. I must imagine it’s really hard to turn things around when someone has a physical and mental advantage over you. These people are often aware of their situation but the problem lies deeper and often there are emotional bonds that make things even harder. How you accept almost any kind of behaviour for the sake of love, or in a work environment for the sake of money. How you let people control, humiliate and scare you so that they can’t get their satisfaction. How they hurt you, make you cry just to do it again the next day. The worst part of this kind of behaviour is when you confront the person being used they have a tendency to defend the people doing bad stuff to them.  

I can’t understand it fully and it’s a world unknown to me. It still upsets me and makes me shake with anger. It’s just so frustrating when there’s nothing you can do other than sit back and hope for the best.  

I know I can’t save everyone nor do anything special. I just wish the best for people and for things like this not to happen to anyone. I just want everyone to be happy…and I know I’m naïve by saying that but you must be able to dream.  

Just as often, or more, people have an invisible advantage over people that they use to get what they want. Not in the same sense as mentioned above but the casual thing. It might be a hot girl using a guy for her own well being, e.g. getting free drinks. This however is accepted and commonly known as social interaction with a slight twist. I however don’t fall for these traps because I don’t take shit from anyone, I can’t tell a hint nor buy a drink since I’m a poor bastard.

 

I must say a lot is happening this summer, for better or for worse. Yesterday was a day as any other day this summer consisting of some physical activity.  I hooked up with Robert and his brother and a friend of his for some 2on2 basketball. Had some good music on in the background and there was slight improvement from the night before. All went well with some minor injuries and a lot of laughter.

Robert’s brother went home and we stayed behind just playing about, shooting and doing lay-ups. 1 shot, 2 shots, 3 shots four sh…BANG!!!!! The whole board and ring (between 30 and 40 kg) crumbles and hits Robert straight on the head. Robert yells out “call for an ambulance” holding his head while blood is gushing out. I saw the actual cut and we’re talking a 20 centimetre cut, not the nicest thing I’ve seen.
Called for an ambulance and his parents and went to the emergency room. Under the circumstances Robert was the calmest of us all, me his mom and dad all had a pulse around the 180 spot.

Moments to remember:
The doctor putting his hand under Roberts scalp.
The big needles for anaesthetic.
Robert taking a piss in a bottle. 

Robert got around 22 stitches and stayed for observation over the night. Met up with him today and he looks like one of the Coneheads, picture will follow, but he feels all right. In a way he was lucky since it could have gone some much worse. If it had hit his neck or something who knows what would’ve happened.

Filed a report to the police and talked to the local newspaper just to attract attention to the problems with equipment around the Piteå municipality. The baskets were taken down today as well just to prevent something like this happening again. Bureaucracy is evil at its purest form…people are just blaming each other and passing it on so they don’t have to bother or take responsibility. I’m just happy Robert is ok but this could happen again if nothing is done about it….more might follow.

This is my house where I grew up in the north of Sweden....nice...

The day before i left for Sweden a man was stabbed in the head and in the chest right outside our house. (We are talking 10-15 meters...) Not the funniest thing that can happen...