How to pick up girls....I don't know...
Some of my friends are really smooth with the ladies, getting numbers, a bit of snogging and more. Some of them seem more confident around girls they are interested in than around other people. I’m not sure how they do it and when we talk about it it seems all so easy. So what am I doing wrong here? Here are some of the things that could be and are reasons to my poor skills of picking up girls. (Most of these things are in clubs unless something else is mentioned)
- First of all I do believe you need quite a lot of confidence, which I don’t have too much of in these kind of situations. I’m also terribly shy and can’t approach girls I don’t know at least a little. I can’t make a move on someone I actually like since I’m too worried about what they will think and that they might not want it. People are telling me just to kiss a girl with the argument that “You wouldn’t mind if a girl did that to you?” For me it’s just not that simple and it’s for some reason different if a girl were to do that. The worst thing that could possibly happen is her saying no or giving me a knee in the crotch and then I would know. I, however, can’t do it.
All the relationships I’ve ended up in I believe the girl has made the first move or it’s been a mutual thing, a moment without words so to say. Some people tend to drink alcohol to loosen up and it seems to help but I don’t intend to start drinking just to get lucky. The whole confidence bit is something I can work on and I’ve become a lot better than I was before. In some situations I’m more confident and around certain girls I’m more confident. Unfortunately it’s just random and not something I can learn from. - Alcohol is a turn off. Drunk girls are not brilliant, they could be the girl of your life if they were sober but with a bit of alcohol it all changes. I’ve seen it happen. I don’t mind people drinking but something in me puts up a mental block when it comes to a certain level of drunkenness for me to do anything with these girls.
- Music! I love music but at times it can be the most annoying thing ever. I’m a pre-party guy and I like to talk and discuss things to get to know people. When you’re at a club you can’t really do that since it’s so loud and you’re limited to:
”Hello! What’s your name?”
“Henrik”
“What?”
“HENRIK!”
“Henry?”
And so on…. Usually you tend to ask about each others names, where they are from, what they are doing (studying or working). Followed by a short discussion about the just mentioned job or whatever else it could’ve been. Hardly the deepest conversation and it’s not really time or the place to talk about the meaning of life either. I’ve thought about shocking people with something completely different but nothing good has come to me so far. Some attempts have been made with the result being strange looks or them just changing the subject. Haha, happy days.
I know that’s not really what you’re there for but still. I’m not looking for a girlfriend or the love of my life when I’m at a club but I just like to make up my mind about people before I do anything. - The fourth reason is combined with music and the culprit of this drama is dancing. All the action seems to take place on the dance floor. I don’t mind dancing, I’m not brilliant but I get by or at least I hope so…
My problem with dancing is, a least when I’m in Sweden since the clubs I go to in London actually play good music, I can’t dance to music I don’t like. Once again we’re talking about a mental block that can be erased in the right company or by me just forcing myself to do something that goes against some of my principles. Maybe I’m being silly bit that’s me. - The next point is signs. When you’re around girls there are some signs that you can look for to see if they’re interested in you. I can’t see these signs. In any other situation I can almost reads girls like an open book and understand why they do certain things (I will write a separate blog entry for that). This is partially connected to the confidence bit but it could also be the fact that I’ve been out of the game for the last four years and missed out on the whole dating and picking up scene. I’ll catch up in a couple of years. Haha. To show an example of my poor skills the following took place last Wednesday at a local club back in Sweden. Not to crowded since it was quite late and a lot of people had gone home already. This is the time to pick someone up if any. I was dancing and a girl is dancing close to me and moves in closer, body contact. I do nothing. My first thought is…”ohhh….it’s crowded in here…” but when I think back it wasn’t really that crowded. I’ve been told that this was a golden opportunity and that I should’ve done this and that. It was obvious that she was interested. Not to me however, I just can’t see it. Another aspect of this matter is how I put out signs for people to notice. All I can do is usually smile and look at them. I might talk to them but from there on I’m lost. Had a discussion with a friend of mine the other day that I emit a different feel than other guys and that could be true. Need to ask some girl about that thou since it’s just a theory.
- They way I look and am. From what I’ve been told I’m a nice and really friendly guy. I’m average on the scale of good looks. 6 or 7 out of 10 and more cute than handsome. Unless they are lying just to be nice to me… Like I’ve mentioned before I’m not too fussed about things like that but I’m more than happy that I’m being perceived that way. But herein lays the problem. Girls usually don’t like cute and friendly guys. Of course there are exceptions but from what I’ve seen it really is like that. I’ve been told by a girl that she doesn’t really think of anything sexual when she sees me. Am I asexual in my nature or just to plain? I’m the kind of guy that gets female friends more than actual girlfriends. I don’t mind but it’s odd when you here them saying they would want a nice guy and then go for the complete opposite. Maybe it’s all about the “opposites attract” and that they are all nice girls. Would this mean that I have to find the opposite to what I’m like?
- The whole deal with one night stands is a mystery to me. I know I’ve mentioned that I’m not looking for a girlfriend when I’m out and about but the thing with just hooking up with someone for one night feels odd as well as snogging someone you hardly know. I wouldn’t mind and I probably would do it if the opportunity arose. Just being close to anyone is nice, be it in a relationship or only for a night is not to important. The last year has been quite slow and always being around couples is the best to boost your morale. Haha.
My conclusion on how to improve my success rate from 0% is to be braver and have a lot more confidence in myself and from thereon things will happen. I know what to do; it’s just a matter of doing it.
Jävligt intressant läsning! Mmm..vi tänker rätt lika i detta avseende. Syrran brukar säga att det finns en typ aura runt mig som utstrålar "snällhet och godhet" som jag nog skulle våga påstå att du har mer av. Men, men jag tror ändå att detta är den bästa av egenskaper även som du säger att en del tjejer inte gillar detta... fast å andra sidan är kanske dessa tjejer inte heller rätt för dig eller mig. När man träffar rätt så gör man..och då märks det. Vi höres kompis! Ciao
En sak till! Fick faktiskt ett kurskompendium och tillhörande film av en gammal kompis häromdan som handlar om teknik i uppraggning av tjejer. Han tyckte jag kunde lära mig nått tydligen:) Kan ju skicka den till dig senare om du vill hehee
Ever thought of the possibility of you being Gay Henrik?
muahahaha...nah, nothing wrong with that, and you know it..
Seriously though, I think that you think too much..just relax, you'll find the woman of your destiny someday..no need to rush.
Every man (and woman) got needs, and I remember the stress to getting that steam out...you're out clubbing, trying to get someone to go home with..
nope, no catch tonight either...sigh. well, better luck next weekend...
This pressure of spending the night with someone..I don't know where it comes from..your mind? your friends? mother nature? God knows..
And I've seen too many times this particular behaviour in men when they have broke up with their girlsfriends (which they loved more than anything else) then it's only picking up girls that's going on in their minds...they trnasform to some sexual beast who just have to f**k as many girls as possible...perhaps it's a need of attention..the self esteem is not what it should..you need confirmation...you're not worthless...
is it something wrong with me?? why did she leave me? ME?!?! The king of the hill!! How the hell could see?? Am I worthless? A maggot?
ofcourse not!! Everything happends for a reason, and like I said before, we're just not meant to comprehend it all..
and take my word for it Henrik, if you're just yourself around the ladies. you'll do just fine.
You'l lattract Mrs Thran sooner or later..
And the ones who don't like what they see (the true you) well...too bad for them
by all means, i know exactly what you mean...luckily I don't feel any pressure in getting the girls...i do think to much but I'm not worried one bit...just like to ponder about things...for better or for worse. haha.
ah. vill du veta vad jag tror?
att kunna ragga upp tjejer hjälper enbart för att få dem i säng eller liknande. när det kommer till att skapa ett seriöst förhållande har uppraggningen jävligt låg betydelse. men så länge du söker en tjej på exempelvis uteställen, där normen för att ta kontakt är uppraggning, blir ju slutresultatet lågt om man är blyg.
det handlar om i vilken situation man träffas och hur kompatibla man egentligen är.
å andra sidan, är det bara dejtandet o inte relationer du vill åt får du bara harkla fram lite självförtroende.
och en grej till, det handlar inte om självförtroende, utan om mod. det är inte, "tänk om hon inte gillar mig, jag är ju så ointressant" utan "o va tar jag mej till om jag får ett nej"
svar; inser att du hittat en skitstövel med snyggt yttre. e che cavolo!.. vet du hur många nitar man går på i ett liv? det här med relationer är knappast något undantag.
Håller med till fullo. Vet inte riktigt vad jag är ute efter, inte så att jag vill dra hem tjejer från krogen bara för att. och vad det gäller förhållanden är det ju inget som går att leta efter, det bara händer oftast. tur att jag som person är obrydd när det gäller det här och inte känner någon press, och att jag inte går omkring och är bitter.
Människor vill bli berörda, och det finns många sätt att göra det på. Både på bra och dåliga sätt. Orsaken att "osnälla" killar som du syftar på lätt får tjejer är just för att kvinnorna dom stöter på känner någonting (även om det är nästintill förnedring) vilket för många är bättre än ingenting alls. Tankar börjar frodas och frågor kommer upp i deras funderingar. Enligt en "raggarbok" skriven av en man som ser ut som fan själv men tydligen kan få nästintill vilken tjej som helst så handlar det om just det. Dubbelbottnade kommentarer som kan tolkas både som en komplimang eller en förolämpning är ett "trick". t.ex. "du får en så söt dubbelhaka när du skrattar" eller då han plockar fram ett ludd ur sin ficka och låtsas att han plockar det från kvinnan och säger "har du gått omkring med den här hela kvällen?!". Det må låta sjukt men det fungerar bättre än vad man tror.
Jag tycker inte att man ska missbruka dessa "taktiker", men att vara helt ärlig både vad det gäller dåliga som bra sidor är väl en början, och inte bara vara "trevlig och god" är nog den stora skillnaden mellan den klassiska jagblirbarakompismed tejer-killen och han som nästan alla tjejer blir intresserad av.
Hoppas mitt ordbajseri kan vara till någon hjälp!
