Back in the days...
When I was in 7th to 9th grade I was hardly one of the most popular kids. Didn’t really go to parties, didn’t have a girlfriend or for that matter any really good friends within my class during that time.
I wasn’t bullied and I had fun but whenever something was going on I was kind of left out or busy with other stuff. Played a lot of handball, 5 days a week if I remember correctly.
At the time I really cared what other people thought of me and I probably tried to hard or at times not hard enough. Remember someone commenting on what I was wearing and after that day I never wore it again. I remember a list that the girls in my class made consisting of three categories. Sexiest, cutest and smartest guy and a total overall winner. I wasn’t last on any of the lists but in the lower half or middle of them. Remember being a little bit sad that my name wasn’t higher up on the list. I guess I was the kind of guy you hardly noticed, invisible to some extent.
There was a girl in my class that I fancied but I wasn’t aware of the appropriate method of seducing her so to get her to notice me I teased her in various ways to get her attentions. I can understand now why this method isn’t the most successful. I have later on been told that the girl in question really hated me because of this and I don’t really blame her…however…looking back at it I didn’t really miss out.
Never really said what I thought about things, didn’t want to upset anyone and pretended to like certain music just to fit in and get acceptance.
Remember a girl I got together with during the summer before 9th grade more because a friend of mine fancied her friend but I was happy with anything and didn‘t want to be left out. The girl was about to start in the 7th grade in the same corridor as me but when I found out that she wasn’t that popular among her fellow classmates I ignored her for 2 weeks and she broke up with me. I couldn’t even break up with her on my own and of course the saddest thing is that I ignored her because of what other people thought of her and how it would make me look. Can’t believe I’ve treated a girl this way even thou I was 15 and immature. Crazy I tell you. In the same year I went to the Czech Republic since we had this exchange with a school outside Prague. During this trip I got together with a girl in 8th grade that was far more popular than I was and it was a bit of a surprise to me that we got together but I didn’t complain. I have later on been told that a lot of stuff was said behind my back and that they couldn’t believe why she was with me. It’s funny how people can be upset over other people being together just because they don’t play in the same league. How they can’t deal with it and they even can be bothered talking about it. I was aware of the difference in social acceptance but I was happy with just having anyone liking me. It didn’t work out in the end anyway but I wasn’t to fussed about it.
It is amazing how the mind of a 15 year old boy works and how I now, 7 years later can look back at it and laugh. How different I am now in the way I think and perceive things. Now I don’t care what other people think of me, I am the way I am and if that’s not good enough there’s hardly anything I can do about it anyway. I don’t longer hunger for acceptance and attention in the way I used to. If someone doesn’t like me that’s ok, I can’t really be bothered with what people think about me. I got better things to do. I wear whatever clothes I like and stand for my opinions. Sometimes I wish I was back in school but I knew what I know now. That I was as strong mentally as I am now.
I can look back at my old class and I think of what I thought of all my classmates and where they are today. Not my meaning to mock anyone for not making the choices I’ve made but I can’t really understand why I cared about what they would think of me.
Not really sure what people thought of me back then, since it’s all just a matter of how I’ve perceived it, or what they might think of me nowadays.
Do they like me, do they envy me? Do the girls that didn’t like me back then now find me attractive?
The thing is, I don’t really care anymore, and thinking about things like that could drive a person mad. I got people that I know likes me for who I really am and they know what I think about them. I don’t have to pretend to be someone else.
These are the rules that I live after…
Take everything as it comes.
Do anything as long as you’re happy (and it doesn’t hurt anyone.)
Be yourself.
Simple rules that now makes my life easy and trouble free.
I wasn’t bullied and I had fun but whenever something was going on I was kind of left out or busy with other stuff. Played a lot of handball, 5 days a week if I remember correctly.
At the time I really cared what other people thought of me and I probably tried to hard or at times not hard enough. Remember someone commenting on what I was wearing and after that day I never wore it again. I remember a list that the girls in my class made consisting of three categories. Sexiest, cutest and smartest guy and a total overall winner. I wasn’t last on any of the lists but in the lower half or middle of them. Remember being a little bit sad that my name wasn’t higher up on the list. I guess I was the kind of guy you hardly noticed, invisible to some extent.
There was a girl in my class that I fancied but I wasn’t aware of the appropriate method of seducing her so to get her to notice me I teased her in various ways to get her attentions. I can understand now why this method isn’t the most successful. I have later on been told that the girl in question really hated me because of this and I don’t really blame her…however…looking back at it I didn’t really miss out.
Never really said what I thought about things, didn’t want to upset anyone and pretended to like certain music just to fit in and get acceptance.
Remember a girl I got together with during the summer before 9th grade more because a friend of mine fancied her friend but I was happy with anything and didn‘t want to be left out. The girl was about to start in the 7th grade in the same corridor as me but when I found out that she wasn’t that popular among her fellow classmates I ignored her for 2 weeks and she broke up with me. I couldn’t even break up with her on my own and of course the saddest thing is that I ignored her because of what other people thought of her and how it would make me look. Can’t believe I’ve treated a girl this way even thou I was 15 and immature. Crazy I tell you. In the same year I went to the Czech Republic since we had this exchange with a school outside Prague. During this trip I got together with a girl in 8th grade that was far more popular than I was and it was a bit of a surprise to me that we got together but I didn’t complain. I have later on been told that a lot of stuff was said behind my back and that they couldn’t believe why she was with me. It’s funny how people can be upset over other people being together just because they don’t play in the same league. How they can’t deal with it and they even can be bothered talking about it. I was aware of the difference in social acceptance but I was happy with just having anyone liking me. It didn’t work out in the end anyway but I wasn’t to fussed about it.
It is amazing how the mind of a 15 year old boy works and how I now, 7 years later can look back at it and laugh. How different I am now in the way I think and perceive things. Now I don’t care what other people think of me, I am the way I am and if that’s not good enough there’s hardly anything I can do about it anyway. I don’t longer hunger for acceptance and attention in the way I used to. If someone doesn’t like me that’s ok, I can’t really be bothered with what people think about me. I got better things to do. I wear whatever clothes I like and stand for my opinions. Sometimes I wish I was back in school but I knew what I know now. That I was as strong mentally as I am now.
I can look back at my old class and I think of what I thought of all my classmates and where they are today. Not my meaning to mock anyone for not making the choices I’ve made but I can’t really understand why I cared about what they would think of me.
Not really sure what people thought of me back then, since it’s all just a matter of how I’ve perceived it, or what they might think of me nowadays.
Do they like me, do they envy me? Do the girls that didn’t like me back then now find me attractive?
The thing is, I don’t really care anymore, and thinking about things like that could drive a person mad. I got people that I know likes me for who I really am and they know what I think about them. I don’t have to pretend to be someone else.
These are the rules that I live after…
Take everything as it comes.
Do anything as long as you’re happy (and it doesn’t hurt anyone.)
Be yourself.
Simple rules that now makes my life easy and trouble free.
Central
I spent the day in central London yesterday. 26 degrees and not a cloud in the sky, couldn’t be better. I bought a Swedish football shirt to really feel the excitement for the world cup and to annoy English people when we win against them on the 20th. Spent an hour or two in Soho square just looking at people and enjoying the nice weather.
I find it fascinating thinking about where people are going and what they might be doing. Is that guy a serial killer? Suicidal? Late for work?
Just fun looking at people and see the variety of styles, looks and attitudes that you see, especially around Soho.
Just fun looking at people and see the variety of styles, looks and attitudes that you see, especially around Soho.
It’s a shame that there’s no real park culture in Pitea, guess it has to do with the amount of nature per person. In a city like London it’s all estates and concrete which makes the occasional park a refuge from the stress and a way for people to relax and be at one with the limited amount of nature given to the people of London. In Pitea however, the amount of nature “given” to people is overwhelming and because of that people don’t appreciate it as much. I really enjoy coming back home, especially for the summers, and just go swimming in a lake, play beach volleyball or riding your bike. Small and easy things that the people of Pitea take for granted but the people of London can’t possibly do.
They are two completely different worlds but I wouldn’t change one for the other. They are both brilliant and by now a part of who I am and how I live and appreciate what is around me.
They are two completely different worlds but I wouldn’t change one for the other. They are both brilliant and by now a part of who I am and how I live and appreciate what is around me.
Did the obligatory trip past the Forbidden Planet but for some reason I never buy anything…so many things I cannot possess.
Highlight of the day (as always when I’m anywhere remotely close to central London) was the Vegan buffet on Greek Street. If only these people would share the secret of how to make Soya meat….damn. I’d like to think that my cooking skills are pretty good but it all crumbles underneath me when I eat here. Not the fact that it’s a taste sensation but more that it’s something completely different that I couldn’t do.
Went home after eating way to much and it was ridiculously warm on the tube…
Finally
I’m finally done with all my Uni work. Did the extra things today as well, the gospel showcase for Claudia had to be edited and burned onto DVD but now I can relax, play some badminton and maybe even do some swimming. House party on Friday…we’ll just have to wait and see what that holds in store for us…could be fun. Lingerie and/or mask theme from what I’ve been told….hmm. World cup coming up this weekend as well…thinking about going to Trafalgar Square on Saturday and watch the games. Nice and warm outside so I better not stay in front of the computer anymore...
Länge leve alkoholen...
Allting ter sig numera så uppenbart.
Allting är precis det jag trodde det var, det finns saker som inte för något gott med sig. Människor slåss, spyr och beter sig illa men dagen därpå är ursäkterna lika snedvridna som självklara...”Jag var ju full”.
Det är skrämmande hur man kan komma undan med saker när man är berusad. Skulle man bete sig i nyktert tillstånd så som man är då man druckit finns nog många som skulle vrida på skallen och fundera vad som försiggår. Prata skit om dina vänner, bedra din partner och slå närmast passerande som ger dig en konstig blick...så länge du säger att du var full dagen därpå. Min avhållsamhet till alkoholen beundras och kritiseras men det är något som jag väljer att acceptera. Kritikerna säger att jag inte vet vad jag missar och att det är okej i lämpliga mängder men fortfarande beter sig folk illa och vet inte vad som är lämpligt just för dom. Beundrarna tycker det är starkt jobbat och att de gärna velat vara nyktra. Och därmed är dubbelmoralen ett faktum. Vad är det som hindrar dem…skippa baksmällan och minnesluckorna. Ta dig hem på egen hand och spara in pengar till annat som du kan ha glädje av. Fördelarna är många...nackdelarna tyvärr likaså.
Alkoholen för inget gott med sig...se bara på ett sådant faktum att våldtäktsoffer ges skulden om alkohol intagits. Samhällets syn på alkohol kan ses ur mitt perspektiv, som ett samhällsproblem som kryper sig längre ner i åldrarna och orsakar smärta och lidande. Men allt oftast ses det som en sällskapsdryck där det behövs för att liva upp stämningen, har det gått så långt att gemene man inte kan ha kul på egen hand. Måste alkoholen vara ständigt påminnande om att ”Ikväll ska vi ha kul, vi dricker ju”. Jag lyckas alldeles utmärkt och många av mina vänner likaså...men vi är minst sagt i minoritet. Alkoholen är här för att stanna och det är bara för oss som inte dricker att ta efter metoden att skylla allt dåligt vi gör på spriten...länge leve alkoholen...
Allting är precis det jag trodde det var, det finns saker som inte för något gott med sig. Människor slåss, spyr och beter sig illa men dagen därpå är ursäkterna lika snedvridna som självklara...”Jag var ju full”.
Det är skrämmande hur man kan komma undan med saker när man är berusad. Skulle man bete sig i nyktert tillstånd så som man är då man druckit finns nog många som skulle vrida på skallen och fundera vad som försiggår. Prata skit om dina vänner, bedra din partner och slå närmast passerande som ger dig en konstig blick...så länge du säger att du var full dagen därpå. Min avhållsamhet till alkoholen beundras och kritiseras men det är något som jag väljer att acceptera. Kritikerna säger att jag inte vet vad jag missar och att det är okej i lämpliga mängder men fortfarande beter sig folk illa och vet inte vad som är lämpligt just för dom. Beundrarna tycker det är starkt jobbat och att de gärna velat vara nyktra. Och därmed är dubbelmoralen ett faktum. Vad är det som hindrar dem…skippa baksmällan och minnesluckorna. Ta dig hem på egen hand och spara in pengar till annat som du kan ha glädje av. Fördelarna är många...nackdelarna tyvärr likaså.
Alkoholen för inget gott med sig...se bara på ett sådant faktum att våldtäktsoffer ges skulden om alkohol intagits. Samhällets syn på alkohol kan ses ur mitt perspektiv, som ett samhällsproblem som kryper sig längre ner i åldrarna och orsakar smärta och lidande. Men allt oftast ses det som en sällskapsdryck där det behövs för att liva upp stämningen, har det gått så långt att gemene man inte kan ha kul på egen hand. Måste alkoholen vara ständigt påminnande om att ”Ikväll ska vi ha kul, vi dricker ju”. Jag lyckas alldeles utmärkt och många av mina vänner likaså...men vi är minst sagt i minoritet. Alkoholen är här för att stanna och det är bara för oss som inte dricker att ta efter metoden att skylla allt dåligt vi gör på spriten...länge leve alkoholen...
My Life. My Game. My Rules.
People around me have a tendency to not understand the meaning of words and actions. It might be my lack of English skills or just the way I express myself. But who are they to judge me and my opinions just because they don't go with the norm we are raised with. You'd think that everyone is so open minded to accept and respect peoples views to be able to get respect back, but unfortunately that is not the case here.
Take the vegetarian/Vegan issue for an example. To gain respect as a vegetarian/vegan you have to be able to respect the occasional thick minded meat eater no matter how obnoxious he/she might be. For example you can't force your opinions on someone.
I was watching BBC news the other day and some ex model campaigning against the chicken industry said that she could convert any meat eater in the whole world to become a vegetarian. I believe you are entitled to your opinion but there is no way
you can convert people who doesn't want to change. I can come up with several reasons on why not to eat meat but that would still not change my dad's views and make him a vegetarian. He might eat the occasional Falafel or Tofu but he is still going to hunt and eat meat.
In a sense my dad's view on meat and hunting is for me far more acceptable than the average guy sitting at home, going to the supermarket buying some meat whereas my dad put some effort into it actually going out hunting. For me, hunting is far more acceptable than mass producing meat out of chicken, cow, geese(foie gras) and pig etc.
There is still too much going on in this world that goes beyond my understanding, the way we interact with each other is in many ways a mystery that will probably never be solved. Why can't we just get along...and yes I know I'm being naive saying that but we can always dream.
Take the vegetarian/Vegan issue for an example. To gain respect as a vegetarian/vegan you have to be able to respect the occasional thick minded meat eater no matter how obnoxious he/she might be. For example you can't force your opinions on someone.
I was watching BBC news the other day and some ex model campaigning against the chicken industry said that she could convert any meat eater in the whole world to become a vegetarian. I believe you are entitled to your opinion but there is no way
you can convert people who doesn't want to change. I can come up with several reasons on why not to eat meat but that would still not change my dad's views and make him a vegetarian. He might eat the occasional Falafel or Tofu but he is still going to hunt and eat meat.
In a sense my dad's view on meat and hunting is for me far more acceptable than the average guy sitting at home, going to the supermarket buying some meat whereas my dad put some effort into it actually going out hunting. For me, hunting is far more acceptable than mass producing meat out of chicken, cow, geese(foie gras) and pig etc.
There is still too much going on in this world that goes beyond my understanding, the way we interact with each other is in many ways a mystery that will probably never be solved. Why can't we just get along...and yes I know I'm being naive saying that but we can always dream.
Summer Awaits
Sista rycket nu pa skolan här, en hel massa grejer som jag måste hinna klart innan jag kan luta mig tillbaka och njuta av sommaren hemma i Sverige.
Måste redigera en jäkla masa video i helgen ocksa...tidskrävande men kul. Synd att man aldrig lär sig att börja med saker i god tid. Stress stress stress.
Sommaren ser riktigt lovande ut. Det hela börjar bra med fotbolls vm och går vidare med diverse självutförande aktiviteter. Freesbee golf, beachvolleyboll, parkour, handbolls försäsongsträning med öjebyn och norrfjärden och andra sommar relaterade aktiviteter såsom att bada och stanna uppe sent i glada vänners lag.
har ganska höga forväntningar inför denna sommar, ska jobba lite och bara njuta i tre månader. Första sommaren på fyra år som singel dessutom så om det nu innebär någon forändring återstar att se...dock tveksam, inga direkta förpliktelser vilket innebär mer tid med kompisar men i övrigt inte så stor skillnad kan jag tänka mig.
Första sommaren som vegan dessutom vilket kommer att ga bra. Mer jobbigt for mina foraldrar an vad det ar for mig kan jag tanka mig.
Måste redigera en jäkla masa video i helgen ocksa...tidskrävande men kul. Synd att man aldrig lär sig att börja med saker i god tid. Stress stress stress.
Sommaren ser riktigt lovande ut. Det hela börjar bra med fotbolls vm och går vidare med diverse självutförande aktiviteter. Freesbee golf, beachvolleyboll, parkour, handbolls försäsongsträning med öjebyn och norrfjärden och andra sommar relaterade aktiviteter såsom att bada och stanna uppe sent i glada vänners lag.
har ganska höga forväntningar inför denna sommar, ska jobba lite och bara njuta i tre månader. Första sommaren på fyra år som singel dessutom så om det nu innebär någon forändring återstar att se...dock tveksam, inga direkta förpliktelser vilket innebär mer tid med kompisar men i övrigt inte så stor skillnad kan jag tänka mig.
Första sommaren som vegan dessutom vilket kommer att ga bra. Mer jobbigt for mina foraldrar an vad det ar for mig kan jag tanka mig.
