trahn

sex [seks]n (plural sexes) 1.  male or female gender: either of the two reproductive categories, male or female, of animals and plants  2.  intercourse: sexual intercourse  3.  sexual behaviour: sexual activity or behaviour leading to it  4.  genitals: the genitals (literary)  5.  biology reproductive characteristics: the set of characteristics that determine whether the reproductive role of an animal or plant is male or female   

As always, human behaviour fascinates me and makes me wonder why things are the way they are. The ramblings therefore continues and this time I wonder why sex is so important in today’s society, mainly around young people.

 

My last entry, a couple of weeks ago, was about a girl that I said I would keep away from due to certain reasons. I couldn’t. I don’t fall for people that often but this was one of those occasions. For once, believe it or not, I was brave and told the girl in question how I really felt for her and things has from there on turned out alright. She’s an Amazian, a combination of the words amazing and Asian, so I can‘t complain one bit. Enough of the bitter old Henrik for a while now.

 

That introduction is the start of my thoughts. Why is sex so important to people?
When meeting someone you like physical contact is often a part of what you do together. It could be anything from hugs and simple kisses to full on intercourse. Take your pick.
The first couple of nights I spent at her place I can honestly and proudly say we didn’t have sex. She does however live in a student corridor with six other people and all of them kept asking her if she did have sex or just saying things that made it sound like we must’ve had sex and that it isn’t normal not to have sex. We also had the occasional banging on the door with sounds added as they walked by her room when we were there. When coming back home after spending the night at her place the first question I got from my housemates was “Did you fuck her?/Did you have sex?”. Why do people make that assumption that you must’ve had sex just because you’ve slept at a girls place. Maybe there’s something wrong with me for not thinking about sex as much as other people but it just doesn’t bother me weather or not I did have sex with this girl the first night I slept there.

 

Why do people ask about sex instead of the actual person or if I had a good time or not, with or without sex. I don’t really know why. I know I don’t ask people about sex since I have no interest in other peoples sex life. If they’d  like to share something with me I will listen and if the company and situation is right I might share things with them as well. I do like to talk about everything but it’s often in a deeper context than just talking about the actual sex, it’s more likely to be a part of a longer discussion regarding relationships and just sharing tips and tricks between each other.

So why do her housemates keep talking about sex?

One of the theories I got is the age difference. It’s just a matter of a couple of years but that is still enough. 18 compared to 23 can be quite a lot. Another theory is the cultural difference since all the people I’ve noticed talking and asking about the sex are English and back home in Sweden none of my friends are that straightforward asking me about sex.
Why is it that everyone is so focused about having sex with other people that and that they can’t just have a laugh with whoever they are with. Be it for one night or a long relationship.

 

Spending time with some of my male friends the language can be quite graphic. Talking about their last escapades and bragging about fucking some girl in the ass. Why does sex has to be so serious, why does it have to be a sport about lasting long or doing certain things as if they are icrucial to having a healthy relationship and being happy. I must say I do enjoy having sex like a lot of people in this world but I’m nowhere close to taking it that seriously or feeling pressure accomplishing specific things in the bedroom. I’m doing it for the fun and for the fact of it being the most intimate thing you can do with someone you like. Something you share on a equal level and that both of you can enjoy in an relaxed atmosphere.

A couple of years ago I really cared about all the stories I heard and thought that you had to last for hours to be good in bed, you had to fuck someone in the ass as if to tick off a “to do list” and have a 12 inch penis. Exaggerating is really common when it comes to stories about sex and I‘ve realised that it‘s not at all about any of those things. At least not for me. Of course people are different and appreciate different things but at the moment there seems to be more about quantity than quality. Having as many partners as you can in a short period of time and then have as much sex as you possibly can. I’ve never been a fan of the old one night stand, for me its about feeling something for the person you’re engaging in sexual activity with more than just adding another girl to your list.

Another thing that I think about is why there is so much pressure to loose your virginity. A lot of kids are having sex and I know people who had sex when they were 13. Teenage pregnancy and STD’s among  14 year olds makes me wonder what the world has come to.
I was 16 when I had sex for the first time and I didn’t have clue about what I was doing. Putting on a condom for the first time and finding your way around the unexplored female anatomy is a quest in itself. My performance was not ideal in any way but it was nice to get it out of the way and not having to worry about it. I don’t regret anything but I could easily have waited a couple of years.

So where does all this pressure and stories about sex come from? Shall we blame the media or is it just a normal evolution due to the kind of society we live in. It’s a shame people can’t enjoy it for what it is and that they can’t have a more relaxed attitude towards sex.

You may now interpret this text in any way you’d like. Am I writing this because I have a really small penis or is it because I’m shit in bed and therefore I’m blaming society for making sex into such a big deal. Or maybe both. Whatever you might think I don’t mind but please take a minute to think about what I’ve written and ponder about your attitude towards sex and if that’s an healthy one. I hope it is and that you’re all happy, maybe I’m just imagining things…

For me the human brain has always been a huge mystery.  The way it works in mysterious ways and takes your mind to places you never thought of visiting. Thoughts you never thought you’d think or obsessions you never knew you had.  How you think of things not worth thinking about and  remember things you want to forget. Doesn’t matter how hard you try, you can’t trick the mind. I’ve tried to not think about things but even so my brain leads me in on a path of thinking I don’t want to take. Memories especially  are the hardest to ignore since they usually have a strong emotional bond and therefore makes it a part of who you are. Small things that aren’t that important don’t have that emotional bond and will because of that not affect your brain in the same way and since it’s not important you might not think of it at all.Memories of long lost loves, friends and material affections are all connected to the person for an indefinite time no mater how hard you try to forget about them. Different people have different feelings for different things in different ways. One thing might mean a lot for one person but nothing for the next. A relationship might affect one part more than the other if feelings aren’t mutual and therefore make a big difference in how they think about the relationship in question. Material affections can seem bizarre for one person but be the most precious thing for someone else. People often try to hide their memories and feelings  for others so that their feelings won’t hurt or affect people. The brain will allow you to hide a certain amount of feelings but after a while the brain looses control and even thou you might want to keep quiet you act before you even have time to think about it. I have a tendency to think stuff that would shock and disgust people if I told them about it. I sometimes think of killing people like it being some videogame, planning a murder and what to do to get away with it. Of course none of these things are things I’d actually do but even so my mind takes me in on this path of thinking. I know other people think these things, maybe it’s a way for normal people to get it out of their system instead of actually doing it. Another thing that amazes me is that people are so careful with expressing their thoughts and feelings to other people. For me it’s a way to share myself with people who might care the slightest. I used to be really careful with what I said in front of other people. I still am but not to the same extent, writing however is a whole lot easier and still gets my message through but in my own time. Something to take in consideration is that thoughts of a philosophical nature is a different thing to emotions. Philosophical stuff like this blog for example or the fact that I’m a vegan isn’t something that I have any problems talking to other people about. Your feelings for another person is a completely different thing. If you hate, love, like or admire someone it’s a lot harder to say this face to face to this person. So often do you keep your emotions inside building up your frustration. I’d like to be completely honest with everyone I meet, my close friends and family, and tell them what I think or what upsets me. However those thoughts are not always appreciated and because of that I keep silent. It does however not build up in me for a sudden burst of rage like it might do for other people. Things have a tendency to just be ignored or forgot about or I won’t just bother thinking about it. It’s not that I’m insensitive or don’t care about other people, it’s just that I don’t bother getting upset for small things. Or big things for that matter.  

These thoughts written down are a product of my mind working and going to places I haven’t visited before since I haven’t written it down or thought about it before or at least not consciously.  In a way it’s a lot easier not thinking about things like this, however it’s precious to me to ramble and think of  unimportant things. It’s something I can keep in my memory and look back at and see how I was thinking, in ten years time my way of thinking might be completely different to what it is now. My moral values might change drastically and I’m living as a hermit in the outskirts of some small Vietnamese village. Who knows…

For the first time ever I’m actually feeling a bit down due to reasons beyond my own control or the involvement of other people. I’ve written about girls before on this blog and I’m pretty relaxed about being single and I do believe everything will plan put alright in the end. I’ve made major progress in the way I approach girls since I wrote my “How to pick up girls…” entry even thou I’ve made no progress in actually finding anyone. I’m a lot more relaxed and don’t really give a fuck to be blunt about it. Still my same old self but due to events in the last couple of days my morale has dropped significantly. I met a really nice girl, showed some interest by talking to her. She showed some interest and gave me her number without me even asking for it. Some messages were sent and from nowhere she invites me to come and visit her.  I do have a tendency to read to much into situations and maybe this is just someone being friendly and wanting to make new friends. Maybe it’s all cultural differences and that’s the way they do it in other countries but certain behaviour makes me believe things that I maybe shouldn’t.
However the problem has not appeared so far, it arose last night due to some critical information from a mutual friend. She has a boyfriend. Brilliant. Guess its back to square one then and hands off from now on. Not that anything has happened but still. Just frustrating when I kind of get my hopes up and everything crumbles around me. It’s not really a big deal, it’s happened before but sometimes I’m just a lot more sensitive about things like this. It comes and goes and most of the time I’m cool with it. Maybe it’s because of coming back to a house full of couples and being the odd one out. Seeing people cuddle and spending time together with someone they like around me all hours of the day. I don’t mind being single, it does cause you a hell of a lot less grief than having a partner. Less responsibility and you don’t have to take other people in consideration for all your actions, not that I would ever do anything inappropriate.
Celibacy doesn’t seem as bad as it used to or maybe girls are to blame for my misery.
Are girls actually the source of all evil or maybe even antichrist himself/herself? Are we being played like marionettes to follow their every wink without us knowing about it? Being to busy thinking about how to please girls that we don’t notice their mind games.
I know that’s not it and even it was true I wouldn’t want to believe it. It’s just my own mind playing tricks with me. Give it a couple of days and it will all be forgotten. Like I mentioned before, back to square one…..once again….but I’m not bitter…or am I?