For me the human brain has always been a huge mystery.
The way it works in mysterious ways and takes your mind to places you never thought of visiting. Thoughts you never thought you’d think or obsessions you never knew you had. How you think of things not worth thinking about and
remember things you want to forget. Doesn’t matter how hard you try, you can’t trick the mind. I’ve tried to not think about things but even so my brain leads me in on a path of thinking I don’t want to take. Memories especially are the hardest to ignore since they usually have a strong emotional bond and therefore makes it a part of who you are. Small things that aren’t that important don’t have that emotional bond and will because of that not affect your brain in the same way and since it’s not important you might not think of it at all.
Memories of long lost loves, friends and material affections are all connected to the person for an indefinite time no mater how hard you try to forget about them. Different people have different feelings for different things in different ways. One thing might mean a lot for one person but nothing for the next. A relationship might affect one part more than the other if feelings aren’t mutual and therefore make a big difference in how they think about the relationship in question. Material affections can seem bizarre for one person but be the most precious thing for someone else. People often try to hide their memories and feelings
for others so that their feelings won’t hurt or affect people. The brain will allow you to hide a certain amount of feelings but after a while the brain looses control and even thou you might want to keep quiet you act before you even have time to think about it. I have a tendency to think stuff that would shock and disgust people if I told them about it. I sometimes think of killing people like it being some videogame, planning a murder and what to do to get away with it. Of course none of these things are things I’d actually do but even so my mind takes me in on this path of thinking. I know other people think these things, maybe it’s a way for normal people to get it out of their system instead of actually doing it.
Another thing that amazes me is that people are so careful with expressing their thoughts and feelings to other people. For me it’s a way to share myself with people who might care the slightest. I used to be really careful with what I said in front of other people. I still am but not to the same extent, writing however is a whole lot easier and still gets my message through but in my own time. Something to take in consideration is that thoughts of a philosophical nature is a different thing to emotions. Philosophical stuff like this blog for example or the fact that I’m a vegan isn’t something that I have any problems talking to other people about. Your feelings for another person is a completely different thing. If you hate, love, like or admire someone it’s a lot harder to say this face to face to this person. So often do you keep your emotions inside building up your frustration. I’d like to be completely honest with everyone I meet, my close friends and family, and tell them what I think or what upsets me. However those thoughts are not always appreciated and because of that I keep silent. It does however not build up in me for a sudden burst of rage like it might do for other people. Things have a tendency to just be ignored or forgot about or I won’t just bother thinking about it. It’s not that I’m insensitive or don’t care about other people, it’s just that I don’t bother getting upset for small things. Or big things for that matter. These thoughts written down are a product of my mind working and going to places I haven’t visited before since I haven’t written it down or thought about it before or at least not consciously. In a way it’s a lot easier not thinking about things like this, however it’s precious to me to ramble and think of unimportant things. It’s something I can keep in my memory and look back at and see how I was thinking, in ten years time my way of thinking might be completely different to what it is now. My moral values might change drastically and I’m living as a hermit in the outskirts of some small Vietnamese village. Who knows…
