trahn

Time once again for my thoughts to be expressed through the medium of text. This time I'm more specific about things than I usually am and even more personal. I mean no harm with what I write.

A while back I wrote "Happy days are here again...sigh...". For those who hasn't figured it out already I can tell you that it was a result from me feeling down about a girl I'd just broken up with.
I wrote that life goes on and I still stand by that.
It was a good break up, if there are any. No one cheated on anyone as far as I know and we decided to still be friends. I was devastated and it wasn't what I wanted at the moment but I'm realistic and deal with problems as they appear.

I wasn't very happy for a while after that but I made sure to keep myself occupied and I thank all my friends that made sure we had a good time as we always do. I've dealt with being sad and I can honestly say that I don't want her back. She was and most likely still is an amazing girl and I appreciate the time we had together. It's been a while since I felt like that for someone and it's good for me to know that I can. It wasn't the longest relationship by any means but feelings came remarkably fast. I think it's important to say that I hold no grudge whatsoever and I'm looking forward to see what the future has planned for me.

After I broke up with the girl I was with before this one I was devastated and I thought I'd never find anyone like her. We broke up under similar circumstances and we decided to be friends after a four year relationship from an early age. I was ok as long as I didn't see her and I lived a normal life and I didn't think about her at all. However when we met, all emotions came back and I was more or less a wreck even thou I didn't want to. It took me about 8 months to get over her completely and now we have a fully functional friend based relationship. She has a new boyfriend and that doesn't bother me one bit. I'm over her and I've come to realise that she might not have been my perfect match, no offence of course. We had an amazing time and she was my first love and I'm glad it was her. I believe that relationships started when you're young won't last a life time but there are of course exceptions.

This experience, from my previous relationship, helped me a lot when dealing with my latest break up and things were sorted out faster. I've matured as a person and know how to deal with my emotions in a good way. In a break up there is always one person that is considerably more sad than the other one. I've taken on this role twice now but that's ok by me. I've come back every time and I always smile.
I see this girl at the university quite often and I found it hard in the beginning but now it's alright. Things are however not always as they appear. I've tried to keep it all on a friendly basis and said hi and asked her how she was doing as you would with anyone you know.

She has however been avoiding me and acted weird whenever I appear. To this there are a few options on why. Maybe there's more behind it all than I first thought and she wants no contact with me due to those reasons. She might still think I want her back and therefore feels uncomfortable when I'm around. She feels bad due to the break up, guilty conscious and all that.

To be honest I don't care what the reason is but I find it easier to tell someone what I think and feel instead of avoiding them when we're bound to bump into each other ant Uni. I did that kind of thing when I was around 13 to a girl and it's not really a nice thing to do I think.
I don't expect anything but a bit of honesty would be nice, if not for me but for her own sake. I wasn't the one that mentioned us being friends but I would like it to be that way but it seems she can't deal with that.

So be it. Such a small problem that I've probably wasted valuable time writing this. I'll keep up my smile and I will talk to her if I see her until she says something. If only to annoy her or due to me actually wondering how she's doing makes little difference at the moment. It's quite easy to tell me to fuck off, I don't mind.

I will not hide behind people and pretend to be on the phone when it's obvious I can see her. But that's me, maybe I've missed out on how to deal with a break up.

I hold no grudge towards her and I'm not angry at anyone. It's not in my nature to be angry at people no matter what they've done. Whatever she does with her life from now on I'll support her but from the looks of things I'll have no further part in her life.

I'm ok with that. It's a shame thou...